Ok so the rest of the thing with Leon. Turned around and saw me.
Guilty fucking look on his face that pissed me off more than what
he'd said.
"Who's side are you on, anyway?"
"What? Come on, Dom. I'm not on anyone's side."
"Oh, no? Why'd you tell V I smacked her then?" My voice was quiet,
the way it always is before things get loud.
"I…I don't know. He said her knuckles looked busted up, and I said,
yeah, because she smacked you. So he's like, `And Dom just stood for
that?'"
"And you said, no, he didn't. He smacked her in the mouth. And
Vince is pissed at me. That a pretty accurate rundown?"
"You've been pissed at each other before," he said, cracking open a
beer. "He'll get over it."
I fucking explode sometimes.
"I won't get over it!" I shouted. "He fucked Letty! Jesus
Christ! If you knew about this before me, I am going to fucking kill
you."
"Dom, I swear to God I didn't."
I couldn't look at him anymore. Couldn't be around him. That harsh
judgment in his eyes, looking at me like the madman I know I am
lately.
It's Jesse. I swear to God it's Jesse. I sat on a stool near the
counter and dropped my head in my hands.
I am so scared right now…
He was so scared. He'd always been high strung, but with racewars
and the boosts…I hope Tran's in hell. His beef was with me. It was
my fault. My goddamn temper. Again. And Jess is gone. Forever.
I am not drunk enough to not care if Leon sees me cry over Jesse, so
I don't. I stand up and walk out, and Leon flinches as I pass him,
like I'm gonna pummel his ass. But I'm not pissed at him. It's
pretty hard to get mad at Leon. And it's impossible to be mad at
Jesse. Or it was impossible, before…
On the beach again. The Dominatrix is asleep, drunk off her ass.
Passed out. Full of sand.
I'm drinking a margarita Leon made me. Sitting and staring across
the ocean. Leon is with me, cross-legged next to my personal
punishment parade in the sand. He's not talking. I'm not talking.
He was with Jesse like me and Vince…are? Were?
Grew up together. Closer than blood. More than brothers. And now
Letty…Should I fight him for Letty? Is that what she wants? Should
I let him have her? Does she want to leave me? She can't possibly
think I'd be with her after…After she told me…
But I would. God damn it. I would.
Leon's quiet. I think he's scared straight. I already found a way
to make a shitload of money here but he turned me down. The Jetta is
in the driveway of our house in California, as far as I know. I
asked him if he wanted me to try to get someone to bring it down
here. He shrugged. I think Jesse was a part of him he can't
replace. A part of him he can't quite do without. They were like
that…Each one the better half of the other.
Vince is mean. He's the dawg. Always called Letty Dawg-gy when I
was on her case. I don't have a nickname for her. Well, all right,
I have a few. But they're not for when she's upset, they're to MAKE
her upset. We fight so good…We've always had such good, hard fights,
and the makeups…But I think we are outgrowing that shit. I think
neither of us want to be tough shit together anymore. I think I am
27 and she is 22 and I think we might be done. Forever.
I just wish I knew what the hell she's thinking lately. What the
fuck she was thinking when she climbed on Vince. Where I was and how
I had hurt her enough to make her go after him…
I just remembered my son for the first time since the jack. My son.
The words look strange typed out…like it makes it more real. Like I
can't believe I created a life…My son is Dom, Jr. Dominic Tran. I
want to kill her for that. For putting his name anywhere
something I made. Trisha. His mother. Fuck me. This is not how
it's supposed to be.
Letty…The first time I fucked Letty, I knew it was different. I knew
it was something…something that would be more than just a piece of
ass. That night…that whole night, I knew…this is the girl who will
grow to be the woman who will come to be the mother of my children.
Not Trisha fucking Tran. Skank extraordinaire, racer-chaser, dick
rider, loyalty-free freak. Not that Trisha is a bad girl. Well, she
is. But she's bad in a good way. I can get her, if I'm around long
enough. But she's no Letty. She's not as cool, not as beautiful.
Not as mean and not as smart. She's not `one of the guys,' like Let
is. And there's just not that…familiarity. That…I've known you
forever. That…I will always always care what happens to you.
Letty, I'm a father. Easy enough. Letty, I'm a father. But the
words have never come out of my mouth. I have been around, to see
Dom. But not much. Just enough so he knows who I am. And not enough
for Letty to know. Since the shit went down with Tran…with Lance…the
whole bad business deal…We don't keep in touch. Bad blood. Letty
doesn't know Trisha has a son, much less that she has one with
me. And I know the longer I wait to tell her, the worse it's gonna
be. But now there's this thing with Vince. God. This thing with
Vince.
Where the hell are they? In a hotel somewhere? In the same room?
How much pain meds is he on? Just enough, I hope, to keep him…To
keep him off of her.
I'm thinking about Letty now. The way she looks in the morning in
nothing but my boxers, her black hair all over. I can see her
eyelashes. Long. Black. Resting against high cheekbones as she
sleeps. I am thinking about her body naked beneath mine. Trying not
to think of her body naked beneath Vince. Wondering how long ago it
was that she fucked him. Vince wants Mia…Vince has always
wanted Mia…So when…? Was it years and years ago? Was it when I was
fucking around with Trisha Tran? Or was he…No, no…I'm sure I was her
first.
Shit. Now I am thinking about that. Letty's first time. Our first
time. After years and years and years of…bullshit. I was fresh out
of jail, and she had just turned sixteen…But I can't write about that
now.
Too sober.
I have to get a little more drunk first. Then I'll write about that.
